I’m spent. That Pack/Cards game that turned from NFL playoff football into Tecmo Bowl took every last bit of energy out of me. I’m still at a loss. But, it’s only fair after predicting months ago that the Pack would go 12-4 (didn’t miss that one by much) and win the division by 3 games (oops on that one) that I download everything that’s running through my head after that loss.
I must’ve stared at the TV for about 10 minutes after that strange “would’ve been the tuck rule except for the fact Rodgers kicked the ball in the air and into the arms of a defender” interception that ended that wild game. Finally, with the talking heads continuing to fawn all over Dallas (more on that later), I came to the realization I had to do something. The choices?
- Raid the liquor cabinet and wreak havoc on every bottle in there.
- Sit and wait for the taunting texts and phone calls to come in (amazingly, it’s 90 minutes after the game and not a one has come in)
- Go for a jog in the 10-degree weather and hope that clears my head.
I know most Vikings fans would assume that since I’m a Pack fan, that I would’ve hit the bottle hard (or would’ve been hitting it already) but no. Not tonight. And since I really didn’t want to deal with any potential taunts, I bundled up and went for a nice little jog. While out there freezing, all I could think about was coming up with the best way to express my thoughts about the game. Do I go Simmons style and call this a Stomach Punch loss? Sure, that’s an easy one…but upon further review, I think the scene in Rounders where Worm’s cheering up Mike McD after his girlfriend moved out is more apropo. In case you forget, Worm drops this line- “you know what cheers me up when I’m feeeling s**tty? Rolled up aces over kings! Stacks and towers of checks so high you can barely see over them. Playing all night, high limit at the Taj…” The itch to hop in the car and make the quick trip up to Running Aces was there, but since a) I suck at poker and b) losing a couple Benjamins right after this Packers game would’ve really set me off, I decided against it. Plus, I wasn’t anywhere near my car- I was running outside on a January night in Minnesota. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking too straight.
So no Taj Mahal of the metro. Instead, I started thinking about the rest of the playoffs, specifically how the NFC might play out. I thought about how everyone with a microphone and a studio show is fawning all over Dallas and bringing up the fact that Minnesota sucked down the stretch (but conveniently forgetting the Vikings are 8-0 at home and have outscored their opponents 794-10 under the teflon sky). You better believe they’ll be playing the “nobody thinks we’re going to win this game” card all week long. That got me to thinking…is this the first time in playoff history that the top two seeds will be playing that card? Everyone’s been saying that New Orleans is in big trouble and now everyone’s saying Dallas is going to roll to the Super Bowl…I mean, this whole “disrespect from everyone” phenomenon is reaching new heights. Crazy thing is, it always seems to work! In other words…put me down for the NO/MIN parlay next week and set up that NFC title game that everyone thought was inevitable two months ago.
One final thought…you know that little bit Jimmy Fallon does on his show with the thank-you notes? Well, here’s one that Vikings fans should write up:
“Thank you, remaining NFC playoff kickers, for showing that you all turn to Jell-O under pressure. Not only did one of you duck-hook a 34-yard game-winner this weekend and another shank a 37-yard home field advantage clincher a few weeks ago, but the other one of you was so horrible you got cut from the freaking Redskins after blowing a 24-yard kick. We know that in any pressure situation down the stretch we have nothing to worry about if any of you come on to make a kick longer than 30 yards.”
With all the talk about B**tt F**re, who would’ve thought the most important ex-Packer this postseason would be Ryan Longwell? (And yes, that’s a prophecy. Mark my words- the Vikings will win a game they shouldn’t thanks to the other team’s kicker blowing an easy kick.)
